Underneath This Smile
by ibreak4CSI
Summary: Sara is hiding a secret from everyone at the lab. Will she tell Nick what is going on? Part one in the Hilary Duff Snickers Series.


NS songfic. The first part in the Hilary Duff Snickers trilogy.

Disclaimer:I don't own anything CSI, nor do I own the song Underneath This Smile. It belongs to Hilary Duff.

---Underneath This Smile---

Sara walked into the locker room only after checking to see that no one was in there. Hank had visited again last night. This time, though, he had left the mark on her cheek, where it couldn't be covered by clothes. Once again, Sara cursed herself for leaving the small amount of make-up she owned in the locker room. If she didn't hurry, she was going to be late. And that would not help her cause of attempting to be as invisible as possible.

_What I am standing on is sinking in_

_And I don't have a clue how to get off of it_

I will not cry. Sara told herself, hurrying out of the locker room five minutes later. Checking her watch, Sara noted that she still had three minutes to spare. Breathing a sigh of relief, she turned the corner, only to almost collide with Nick. She had thought that she had composed herself sufficiently, but one look at Nick's face told her she had not.

"What's wrong, Sara?" He looked concerned.

_But when I look at you there is hope_

_It's like you see the sadness in my eyes_

_You read the blue between the lines _

_You could be the one to hold me when I wanna cry_

Sara tried not to burst into sobs at his caring look. She curbed the desire to bury her head in his shoulder and sob her heart out. No, that would come much later when her shift was over, and she was home alone. She brushed off his comment by smiling and saying she hadn't slept too well the night before. She knew that he wanted to press her, but decided not to, and together, they headed toward where Grissom would give out the assignments. They walked into the room, and Sara was relieved to find that everyone else was fooled by her smile. Everyone except Nick.

_Underneath this smile _

_My world is slowly caving in_

_All the while_

_I'm hanging on_

_'cause that is all I know_

_Could you be the one to save me_

_From every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole_

_I've been hiding out for miles_

_Underneath this smile_

Closing the door to her apartment, Sara let out a sigh of relief. Work had been hell today, and she was glad to be home. She dropped her bag in her room, and went to take a shower. She had lingered alot longer than she uaually did, thinking as she stood under the hot spray. Thirty minutes later, she emerged from the the bathroom wearing her favorite pair of pajamas. She sat down on the couch, intending to start a book she had bought a couple months ago, but never had the time. Instead, she never even flipped open the cover. She sat it down, and thought about all of the problems she had been having lately.

_I have walked this earth with broken bones_

_I've been keeping secrets under all these lights_

Sometimes, Sara thought that she would just break down with everything she was carrying. But she always did it alone. Hank had only done this to her once before, so she had let it go. But when he had hit her again last night, she knew that he wouldn't stop. She was going to have to turn him in. Sara wished that she could just pour her heart out to someone. Someone who would help her see what she had to do. Although she already knew, it would make it easier. But it wasn't just anyone. She wanted Nick. Somehow, Nick could always know when something was wrong. Like this morning, he had asked, and she had pretended it was nothing. She was so relieved when he had dropped it, although she knew that he still didn't believe her. But at the same time, she almost had to physically restrain herself from calling after him to wait. And to tell him everything. And it was not just this morning. It had been happening even before Hank had hit her. Ever since the beginning of the relationship. After their first date, Sara had not wanted to see him again, but she had been scared to say no. On their second date, when she had tentatively brought up the subject, he had laughed, pretending she was kidding. But by his tone, she knew he knew, and he was warning her not to do it again. She had walked in fear since then.Then that night last week, he had come to her apartment. When she declined his advances, he had punched her in the stomach, and threw her against the wall, slamming out the door, leaving her there, sobbing. Now she thought she knew the reason most women never turned in abusive boyfriends. She was scared to death that if he found out, he might hurt her worse. And, although she could mask her emotions quite well, Nick could always see right through them, as if they were as clear and fragile as glass. Nick. She sighed. The man she wanted to avoid . But at the same time, wanted to pour out everything to.

_But when you're around, my defences go_

_You don't let me run away from you _

_You don't let me twist and turn the truth_

_It feels as if I am naked when you're standing in the room_

As she sat there, pondering, Sara also thought about her relationship with Nick. It was no secret that she found him attractive. And they had started to become friends before she had pushed him away, knowing that if she let him become any closer, she would spill her guts to him every time she had a problem. And she didn't want that. And when she had a problem, Nick knew anyway. She only succeeded in hurting him more every time she refused his offers of help.

_Underneath this smile_

_My world is slowly caving in_

_All the while_

_I'm hanging on_

_Instead of letting go_

_Could you be the one to save me_

_From every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole_

_I've been hiding out too long_

_Underneath this smile_

_Underneath this smile_

_Oh, Yeah_

_Underneath this smile_

There was a knock at her door. Opening it up, sehe found Nick standing outside. Immediately, his eyes fell to the left side of her face. She had removed her makeup. And now the bruise stood out glaringly against the paleness of her cheek.

"Oh, my God, Sara."

"Nick." Sara sounded as nervous as she felt. "What are you doing here?"

He looked determined, yet gentle. But, when his faze fell to her cheek, there was so much surpressed rage in his eyes that Sara cringed. She couldn't help it. But Nick reached out and touched her cheek, the feather light touch making her sigh, a look of compassion in his eyes.

"I want answers."

_My world is slowly caving in_

_All the while I'm hanging on instead of letting go_

_Could you be the one to save me_

_From every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole_

_Underneath this smile_

_What I'm standing on is sinking in._

Sara opened the door wider, allowing him to enter, then closed it. As soon as the door was shut, he asked,

"What's wrong, Sara? You have been acting weird for weeks now. I know something is going on. You are my friend, Sara. You can trust me."

"Oh, Nick!"

Sara collapsed on his chest, sobbing. Then she did the thing she had been longing to do since the day she had pushed him away. She let him in.

_Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?_

_I've been hiding out for miles_

_Underneath this... _

_Underneath this..._

_Underneath this smile_

TBC in part two of the Hilary Duff Snickers trilogy.

Summary of part two, Shine: Nick helps Sara, and they establish a friendship that might become more.

Review if you think I should continue!

ttfn

ibreak4CSI


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